A Scotsman named Cam goes to the dentist and asks how much it is for a tooth extraction. "£85 for an extraction sir." was the dentist's reply.
"Och... huv ye no got anythin' cheaper?" replies Cam getting agitated.
"But that's the normal charge for an extraction sir." said the dentist.
"What about if ye din't use any anesthetic?" asked Cameron hopefully.
"Well it's highly unusual sir, could be quite painful, but if that's what you want, I suppose I can do it for $70." said the dentist.
"Hmmmm, what about if yer used one of your dentist trainees and still without anesthetics?" asked Cam.
"Well it's possible, but they are only training, and I can't guarantee their level of professionalism, and it'll be a lot more painful. I suppose in that case we can bring the price down to say $40." said the dentist.
"Och... that's still a bit much, how about if ye make it a trainin'
session and have yer student do the extraction and the other students watchin' and learnin'?"asked Cam hopefully."Hmmmmm, well OK it'll be good for the students I suppose, I'll charge you only $5 in that case."
Said the dentist.
"Now yer talkin' laddie! It's a deal." said Cam.
"Can you confirm an appointment for the wife on Tuesday?"
Any one up for a joke?
When we want or need to be McEve. 
A plane was flying from New York to Helsinki, as it is crossing the atlantic one engin sputters and fails. The plane starts loosing altitude and the passangers are asked to throw their luggage out so it can regain altitude - they do so and the plane climbs back to cruising height.
Shortly thereafter a second engin sputters and conks out and once again the plane starts to dip but they can almost see the english mainland.
As the plane drops dangerously low it becomes clear it may crash onto english soil - at that moment a proud brit stands up , walks over to the door and opens it. As he jumps out he yells: "God save the queen!
Again the plane climbs and is looking good.
The channel is crossed and onto the french mainland where again, the plane drops lower and a proud frenchman runs over to the door , hurls himself out and yells: "Viva la France"
The plane again climbs and it is looking like the day may be saved.
Now they are crossing into Sweden and as they prepare to cross the Baltic the plane (yes , you guessed it) begins to dip again. The passangers look at each others and without a word the Dane, the Swede and the Finn grab the Norwegian , open the door and toss him out, cheering: "Long live Scandinavian teamwork"!
Shortly thereafter a second engin sputters and conks out and once again the plane starts to dip but they can almost see the english mainland.
As the plane drops dangerously low it becomes clear it may crash onto english soil - at that moment a proud brit stands up , walks over to the door and opens it. As he jumps out he yells: "God save the queen!
Again the plane climbs and is looking good.
The channel is crossed and onto the french mainland where again, the plane drops lower and a proud frenchman runs over to the door , hurls himself out and yells: "Viva la France"
The plane again climbs and it is looking like the day may be saved.
Now they are crossing into Sweden and as they prepare to cross the Baltic the plane (yes , you guessed it) begins to dip again. The passangers look at each others and without a word the Dane, the Swede and the Finn grab the Norwegian , open the door and toss him out, cheering: "Long live Scandinavian teamwork"!
The Irishman was walking on the beach and found a bottle. He opened it and out comes a genie.
-" Thank you for realeasing me from the bottle. I have been locked up in there for a thousand years and to show you my gratitude I will grant you 3 wishes" said the genie to the Irishman.
- "3 wishes!? Wow, mumbles the Irishman.
After a long silence he says: -"I'm kindof thirsty, do you have anything to drink?
- "How bout a bottle of Guinness?" replied the genie.
-"A bottle of Guinness?? Yes, that would be grand!" says the irishman.
POOF and there is a bottle of Guinness in his hand . He says :" Wow and takes a sip"
After about 10 minutes the genie says : Well, c'mon then, lets hear what else you want.
The Irishman replies: " Take it easy, let me finish this bottle of beer first and then I will tell you.
-"You can't " says the genie-"It's a magical bottle and everytime you finish it it automatically fills back up. You can pour glass after glass and it will always fill back up"
-"NO WAY!" exclaims the irishman as he puts it to his lips and : "Glug, glug,glug,glug... " he finishes it. Immediatly - "Blub, blub, blub.... it fills back up.
He downs the bottle again and it immediatly fills back up. After the fifth time he hollers at the genie: " OK, I have my two other wishes... . I want two more of these"
-" Thank you for realeasing me from the bottle. I have been locked up in there for a thousand years and to show you my gratitude I will grant you 3 wishes" said the genie to the Irishman.
- "3 wishes!? Wow, mumbles the Irishman.
After a long silence he says: -"I'm kindof thirsty, do you have anything to drink?
- "How bout a bottle of Guinness?" replied the genie.
-"A bottle of Guinness?? Yes, that would be grand!" says the irishman.
POOF and there is a bottle of Guinness in his hand . He says :" Wow and takes a sip"
After about 10 minutes the genie says : Well, c'mon then, lets hear what else you want.
The Irishman replies: " Take it easy, let me finish this bottle of beer first and then I will tell you.
-"You can't " says the genie-"It's a magical bottle and everytime you finish it it automatically fills back up. You can pour glass after glass and it will always fill back up"
-"NO WAY!" exclaims the irishman as he puts it to his lips and : "Glug, glug,glug,glug... " he finishes it. Immediatly - "Blub, blub, blub.... it fills back up.
He downs the bottle again and it immediatly fills back up. After the fifth time he hollers at the genie: " OK, I have my two other wishes... . I want two more of these"
Father Ian Paisley has just finished preaching fire and brimstone for several hours after which he greets the congregation as they leave through the front. A young black man is approaching the church and Father Paisley gets right in front of him and hollers:
-Where do you think you are going???
-Into the church , says the young man.
-Yooooouuuuu???? A black man? In my church? I don't think so! Get out Leave!! hollers Father Paisley.
And the young man walks away sadly.
Well next week after the sermon he is back again and Father Paisley again confronts him angrily and hollers at him:
-I thought I told you to get away and stay away!
-But I talked to the Lord , Mr Paisley. replies the man.
-YOOOUUU?? A black man? Talked to the great lord in the sky????replies Ian Paisley. - Well, what did he say?
I was walking away from here last week all sad because you wouldn't let me in and all of the sudden the lord spoke to me from the sky. He asked me: Why do you look so sad young man?
-Well, I wanted to go into Father Paisleys church and he wouldn't let me in. I replied.
Now Ian Paisley could hardly contain himself - "So what did the lord say to you ????
Well he said I shouln't worry about it because he has been trying to get in there for years and still can't.
-Where do you think you are going???
-Into the church , says the young man.
-Yooooouuuuu???? A black man? In my church? I don't think so! Get out Leave!! hollers Father Paisley.
And the young man walks away sadly.
Well next week after the sermon he is back again and Father Paisley again confronts him angrily and hollers at him:
-I thought I told you to get away and stay away!
-But I talked to the Lord , Mr Paisley. replies the man.
-YOOOUUU?? A black man? Talked to the great lord in the sky????replies Ian Paisley. - Well, what did he say?
I was walking away from here last week all sad because you wouldn't let me in and all of the sudden the lord spoke to me from the sky. He asked me: Why do you look so sad young man?
-Well, I wanted to go into Father Paisleys church and he wouldn't let me in. I replied.
Now Ian Paisley could hardly contain himself - "So what did the lord say to you ????
Well he said I shouln't worry about it because he has been trying to get in there for years and still can't.
Bush, Cheney, and the Buck
Bush and Cheney went hunting, killed a giant buck, and were dragging it by the legs back to their car, when they were approached by a seasoned old hunter.
"Hello, Mr. President, and Vice President. If I may please make a suggestion... it would be much easier for you to drag your deer in the other direction. Then the antlers won't dig into the ground."
The leaders of the free world thanked the man and tried his suggesion. A while later Cheney said, "You know, that was good thinking. This is a lot easier!"
"Yessir," agreed Bush. "But durn it! We're gettin' farther away from our truck!"
Bush and Cheney went hunting, killed a giant buck, and were dragging it by the legs back to their car, when they were approached by a seasoned old hunter.
"Hello, Mr. President, and Vice President. If I may please make a suggestion... it would be much easier for you to drag your deer in the other direction. Then the antlers won't dig into the ground."
The leaders of the free world thanked the man and tried his suggesion. A while later Cheney said, "You know, that was good thinking. This is a lot easier!"
"Yessir," agreed Bush. "But durn it! We're gettin' farther away from our truck!"
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Ha, The Joke's On You
There was this guy who always went out drinking with his friends. He would always come home very late. One night, while he was at the bar he told them his secret for being able to sneak in late.
"When I walk in the house, before the wife can say anything, I lay her down, take off her panties, and give her the best oral sex she's ever had, until she has such an orgasm that she falls into a deep sleep. Then, I wash up and go to bed. By morning, she is so pleased, she doesn't care what time I came home."
One of his friends thinks this is a great idea. So he stays out late, comes home, sneaks into the bedroom, gives his wife the best oral sex she's ever had, and goes to wash up. His wife walks into the bathroom, obviously upset that he's home so late.
"Hey, why aren't you sleeping?" he asks.
"I was was, but I came in to tell you that we've got to sleep on the couch tonight, 'cause my mother is sleeping in our bedroom."
Ouch!
"When I walk in the house, before the wife can say anything, I lay her down, take off her panties, and give her the best oral sex she's ever had, until she has such an orgasm that she falls into a deep sleep. Then, I wash up and go to bed. By morning, she is so pleased, she doesn't care what time I came home."
One of his friends thinks this is a great idea. So he stays out late, comes home, sneaks into the bedroom, gives his wife the best oral sex she's ever had, and goes to wash up. His wife walks into the bathroom, obviously upset that he's home so late.
"Hey, why aren't you sleeping?" he asks.
"I was was, but I came in to tell you that we've got to sleep on the couch tonight, 'cause my mother is sleeping in our bedroom."
Ouch!
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