Blondes

The lights are dimmed, the fire is blazing in the big old fireplace, your favourite tunes are on in the background, and I'm just about to pour you a big glass of red!!! Let's settle down on the big old leather sofa and have a chat!!
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Caesars
Obsessed!!
Posts: 336
Joined: Mon Aug 22, 2005 7:08 pm
Location: Manchester

Blondes

Post by Caesars »

Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking, and one
blonde says to the other, 'Which do you think is farther away... Florida
or the moon?' The other blonde turns and says 'Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida ?????'

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CAR TROUBLE
A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it
died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly. She says, 'What's the story?' He replies, 'Just crap in the carburetor' She asks,
'How often do I have to do that?'

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SPEEDING TICKET
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if
he could see her license. She replied in a huff, 'I wish you guys would get
your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!'

(this must have been Paris Hilton ...)

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RIVER WALK
There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another
blonde on the opposite bank. 'Yoo-hoo!' she shouts, 'How can I get to the
other side?' The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and
shouts back, 'You ARE on the other side.'

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AT THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE - my personal favorite!
A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her
body hurt wherever she touched it. 'Impossible!' says the doctor. 'Show
me.' The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and
screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She pushed her knee andscreamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream. The doctor said, 'You're not really a redhead, are you? 'Well, no' she said, 'I'm actually a blonde.' 'I thought so,' the doctor said. 'Your finger is broken.'

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KNITTING
A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway.
Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the
wheel was knitting! Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing
lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, 'PULL OVER!' 'NO!' the blonde yelled back, 'IT'S A SCARF!'

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BLONDE ON THE SUN
A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. The Russian
said, 'We were the first in space!' The American said, 'We were the firs t
on the moon!' The Blonde said, 'So what? We're going to be the first on
the sun!' The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads. 'You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!' said the
Russian. To which the Blonde replied, 'We're not stupid, you know. We're
going at night!'

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IN A VACUUM
A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She
rolled the dice and she landed on Science &Nature. Her question was, 'If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?' She thought for a time and then asked, 'Is it on or off?'

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FINALLY, THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES!
A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and
asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex. Her friend said, 'Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?'
'HELLLOOOOOOO......,' answered the blonde. 'They're watch dogs!
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